With such a push to immunize the global population against COVID-19, many important questions are being raised about the upcoming months: how do we distribute vaccines fairly? Who gets the vaccine first? How do we ensure that ineligible college kids aren’t taking advantage of walk-in procedures tackling racial disparities in the COVID death toll?
At the very, very, very bottom of this list of immensely important questions, comes the frivolous question I will ask today: what will we all be wearing to get vaccinated– when our time comes, of course? And based upon this outfit choice, what superficial judgments can I preemptively make about you?
From sweats to ball gowns, I am of the opinion that what you’re wearing to ~the event of the year~ has a lot to say about you. Having just passed the one-year mark of Corona truly taking its hold of the U.S., that upper-arm band-aid is a glimmer of hope, a golden ticket, a path towards a bit of normalcy. The outfit you’re wearing when you show up for your shot shall reveal all:
You were probably on the Prom Committee and kicked up an absolute fuss when your high school shot down your idea to “dress up anyway and do a ~super fun~ zoom quiz” back in June. You were always going to wear this dress for something– it was only a matter of time. In your day-to-day life, you’re reasonably extra, extroverted, and always dressed to impress. You have an excellent Instagram feed, and you’ve probably strong-armed your group of friends into doing that TikTok trend where you dress up to the nines, only to grab fast food in a parking lot. Props to you; you’re doing amazing sweetie.
Interesting choice. You’re either a daily wearer of college merch, and you’re going with your daily fit – in which case, BORING. Or, you went back to your hometown where you’re eligible for the vaccine, and God forbid anyone from your high school forgets that you go to Penn. This choice is hard to read, but one thing is for sure: the nurse administering your shot will absolutely ask you about life at Penn State.
This one goes out to the very niche subset of the population treating the vaccination center like a costume party. Cow costume, hotdog suit, you name it; you’re a super fun time, and you really don’t care what people think about you. You’re the life of the party, so having to cut back on your social life for the past year has been tough on you. With October’s Halloween season plunged into a party-less weekend in fear of a second wave, you were sorely disappointed that you couldn’t dig into your passionately curated costume selection. You’re probably a Gemini, but I can’t expand upon that with any logical reasoning.
Your mom’s friend has absolutely Facebook shared Dolly Parton getting vaccinated in Tennessee in an off-the-shoulder top. Your mom proceeded to buy both you and her a cold-shoulder top, insisting that it was “all the rage back in the eighties.” Alternatively, you’re the most organized friend of the group; you’re much more prepared than those showing up in long-sleeved shirts– always one step ahead. You were the first in your friend group to start planning socially distanced picnics when emerging from the initial quarantine and were always proactive and ready to go. You’re widely liked because you always have tissues and chapstick in your bag.
Dressing Up as ~Old People~
You’re the literal worst babe, no one liked that <3
Feature Image Courtesy of Instagram @themarcjacobs