The Politics of Nice Guys


The Politics of Nice Guys

We’ve all encountered a Nice Guy at some point in our lives, the underdog who opens doors for you, compliments you, or waits on you simply because it’s “what nice guys do.”

The most distinctive characteristic of a Nice Guy is how sweet he is. It’s is his signature trait. It’s what he’ll use to fool you. Because he’s a Nice Guy, any hint of creepiness or any whiff of unfairness you feel in your relationship is not his fault. He’s a nice guy! There’s no way he could be rude, hurtful, or inappropriate. The Nice Guy might tell a few racist jokes here and there, but he’ll laugh it off when you bring it to his attention, “But I’m not a racist!” he’ll say, mocking you for even having such a thought. The Nice Guy talks you into distrusting your own instincts, claiming there was some sort of misunderstanding. He reassures himself that there is nothing wrong with his actions. But while he feels better, you slowly feel worse and worse.

The brilliance of a Nice Guy is in his ability to demonstrate emotions. An emotionally available guy is hard to find, and often forming a friendship with him is unavoidable. Soon however, you learn that his emotions were never genuine but a ploy to gain your trust. When this strategy doesn’t work out for the Nice Guy, he blames it on you yet again. Thus, the “friend zone” comes into play. Countless internet threads and daily conversations between frat brothers lead to calling out and even blaming women for keeping them in the “friend zone.” In this conversation there is a fundamental dismissal of the woman’s side of the story. While he is ranting about her “betrayal,” know that she is thinking the same thing: someone she thought she could trust and confide in, someone she thought would be there for her, was only in the conversation to get to second base. But he was a Nice Guy, right? She owed him sex or at least a kiss!

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Nice Guys also consider themselves romantics. Yet, at the same time, they fall short of their own ideals. Most of these guys think that a woman wants to be worshipped, and while that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, that kind of idealism and romanticism must be earned. Just because he continuously compliments you does not mean that he is then allowed to get pushy if you don’t respond to his texts right away. Nice Guys tend to be in love with the idea of you, and when you don’t fit their expectations, they get angry.

See, that’s the thing about Nice Guys. Just because they believe they are being nice to you does not mean they deserve any extra credit for doing so. Sometimes a Nice Guy is just a friend, and he must accept that. You owe him nothing. If he prides himself on always paying for your dinner, that does not give him an excuse to hold it over you head the next time you don’t do something he wants.

Nice Guys might actually respect and value the girls they state they care about, but they care a lot more about themselves. If kindness was its own reward, then every Nice Guy on the planet would turn out fine. However, in the end, all girls really want is some decent honesty and a couple of ice cream dates, boys. No need to try so hard.

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